Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Randomize
