I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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