Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize