God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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