You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
