D3 body, D1 cock
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
