I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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