I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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