I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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