she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
