I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
