I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm passing your future prison.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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