As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize