i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
