His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
