The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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