barbara walters just said penis...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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