so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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