During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
