she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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