my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
