I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
