Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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