We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
