My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
