I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
