i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize