I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize