I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
