so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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