ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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