last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
