I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
