the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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