I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
