I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
zippers are such a cool invention
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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