So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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