i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize