Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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