just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Welp...herpes.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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