I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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