I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize