God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
