You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
