It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
