I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
