Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
