Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
