BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
