WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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