Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
