I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
