I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
