1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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