it hurts more in the daytime
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
