The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
