Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
