That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize