Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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