How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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