woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
