I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I deserve this hangover.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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