the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
