You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
