im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
