did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
