I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
