she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
