...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
