So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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