I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize