listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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