I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i will never coherently bang her
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
