Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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