Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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