we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
