apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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