The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
