i jhust puked up my retainher.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
