Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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