Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
