It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
