What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
