I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
