shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
vagina is talking i cant
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
