Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
