I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
