if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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