I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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