either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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