At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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